Mrs. Barnes said big cats like tigers and lions are much stronger than humans. This means tigers can eat mums.… More

Mrs. Barnes said big cats like tigers and lions are much stronger than humans. This means tigers can eat mums.… More

The next thing I knew, me, Hunter S. Thompson, and the apparitions he’d conjured; terrible, naked creatures doubled over at various coordinates dotting the property’s back forty, relieving themselves of their lunches and who knows what else against a perfect Colorado sky.… More
We shouldn’t judge these absent strangers but at the same time we have to wonder if what set them off is catching, if someday soon, one of us will break a glass or forget to buy milk, some small transgression that will lead to the splicing of our own angry hearts.… More
I was just a lonely man in love with the woman from an advertising poster. And that night… yes, that incredible night, I was going to love her forever.… More
Look, have you seen the Rock? I’m friends with Sean Connery. Yes, James Bond. You don’t want to mess with me. -Dracula… More
They say politics is a circus. I say life’s a circus. Because I work in a circus.… More
If he had a little angel on his shoulder right now, it would tell him to hit the guy from behind real quick, take the fifty bucks, and run. And if there was a devil on John’s shoulder, it would tell him to do the same thing but take all of his money.… More
I came across a job posting for a water slide tester at a park called HydroTopia. In my application, I said I had balls the weight of osmium and a passion for water. They got back to me that same day and brought me in for an interview.… More
“Your mistake,” Margie said, holding the sawed-off shotgun, “was confusing my kindness with weakness.”… More
I will always remember that fat junkie sitting in my rocking chair, strumming away, an urgent blank-faced zombie chant: “Kill them all, kill them all / Everyone must suffer now / Everyone must pay.”… More
I wasn’t planning to get a dog. At twenty-two and living thousands of miles from the Midwest where I grew up, I was still figuring out how I would even keep myself alive. But one day, I saw Cruso.… More