They say politics is a circus. I say life’s a circus. Because I work in a circus.… More

They say politics is a circus. I say life’s a circus. Because I work in a circus.… More

If he had a little angel on his shoulder right now, it would tell him to hit the guy from behind real quick, take the fifty bucks, and run. And if there was a devil on John’s shoulder, it would tell him to do the same thing but take all of his money.… More
I came across a job posting for a water slide tester at a park called HydroTopia. In my application, I said I had balls the weight of osmium and a passion for water. They got back to me that same day and brought me in for an interview.… More
“Your mistake,” Margie said, holding the sawed-off shotgun, “was confusing my kindness with weakness.”… More
I will always remember that fat junkie sitting in my rocking chair, strumming away, an urgent blank-faced zombie chant: “Kill them all, kill them all / Everyone must suffer now / Everyone must pay.”… More
I wasn’t planning to get a dog. At twenty-two and living thousands of miles from the Midwest where I grew up, I was still figuring out how I would even keep myself alive. But one day, I saw Cruso.… More
Rockets flew over Beirut like fireworks. I stood at the party and watched the sky and listened to a young revolutionary. She was like the sun—bright, burning hard enough to warm whole galaxies. But the universe doesn’t do happy endings with stars.… More
I wondered if the Sanrio combination Bluetooth speaker/nightlight I bought my friend would kill us all. I Googled will the Sanrio combination Bluetooth speaker/nightlight I bought my friend kill us all? Google said signs point to yes.… More
My mind is counting the seconds before I leap. Cape Canaveral is gone and I’m wearing a Superman cape. I’m a child strapped in a chair, soon to be hurtling through space.… More
Manager says I’m banned from open mic night till I agree to stop using a Glock as a drumstick. He says a gun in a club poses a safety risk. I say that’s the point. He says the music’s not even any good. I say it’s performance art.… More
The difference between a Carla and a Karla is that a Karla is on a first-name basis with the clinic counter.… More